Here it is, sunny August. It’s not been so sunny recently though for a lot of places, so in true British tradition I thought we’d talk about the weather. Shall we have a weather challenge? How about a 500 word challenge on the destructive power of the weather. Think about putting a twist on it. Don’t forget it may be a short piece but you still want good characterisation, setting, plot, conflict and theme.
White Rabbits…
Janet Stock 
Here is my attempt
Date with Fate
Emma’s heart was pounding as she carefully applied her make up. Jason wouldn’t expect her to wear too much, after all they’d known each other since reception class and had been through school together. Also he had always said he loved her natural beauty.
Tonight would be the night she knew; the last night before they went to universities at opposite ends of the country. Although they had been together for over 5 years they had only ever kissed contrary to everyone else’s belief.
She was not looking forward to not seeing Jason for 10 weeks, it would be the longest time they’d been apart since they were 4, but nowhere did both their courses. She trusted him implicitly, they knew each other inside out but tonight she was aching for him.
She slowly put on her underwear, especially chosen, and buckled up her shoes; not the ones she had wanted to wear as the rain coming in from the east would ruin those. She took the light red dress from the hanger and slipped it over her head. A glance in the mirror and she thought ‘Yes he’ll like this’. Grabbing her coat and bag she left the house and sprinted through the increasing drizzle to the bus shelter.
A little further down the route Jason was already waiting nervously at his stop, he checked his bag for the tenth time. He had the champagne and glasses, a rug and Emma’s favourite – stuffed peppers. He double checked his wallet too. As the bus neared him his mouth was drying unlike the atmosphere – the slowly rolling clouds were preceding ominously darkening skies.
The bus dropped them a short distance from Oak Park and they ran hand in hand towards the gate. It seemed right to them that this park where they had as innocents played together, later shared their first kiss and then told the other they loved them should be the place.
With the downpour now relentless they found the large Oak which gave the park its name and would afford them just enough protection for their picnic whilst hiding them from any potential onlookers.
Having set the rug they kissed passionately and struggling to resist temptation they sipped champagne and fed each other whilst laughing.
Totally immersed in their thoughts they had failed to notice that the heavy rain was turning into a storm, the skies in the locality were being intermittently lit up by lightning and the low rumble of thunder could be heard.
Having finished their drinks they gazed into each other’s eyes then Jason tidied up as Emma looked on adoringly. Knowing the time was near they kissed and caressed.
Words were unnecessary; their minds were as one nothing else existed. The sky lit up followed almost immediately by an earth shattering crash right above them.
When the council workers removed the fallen trunk of the massive oak in the days following the Great Storm they were shocked to find the two embracing corpses.
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A good short which met the brief. There were a few long sentences which are a bit clumsy to read. ‘She was not looking forward to not seeing Jason..’ this is an example of a long sentence and it has a double negative. Also, perhaps numbers would look better written as words instead of figures, and you have used both Oak and oak in the piece. There are some good descriptions of the weather throughout and there’s a nice twist at the end. Just a few little tweaks on a final edit would solve all of this.
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